Don't touch me. Don't look at me.

Ever have those days when you just don't want to be bothered? When the thought of a simple conversation makes your skin crawl and it takes everything in you to not punch the other person. Welcome to pregnancy. Every.Single.Day.

Here are a few lessons about pregnancy:

1.) This is directed to fathers-to-be, mainly, anyway. Do not tell you wife that she has done something wrong. Even if she has done something wrong, keep your mouth shut. Sometimes woman take shortcuts to get everything they do in the day done. I.e. Load the dryer a little more than they should. Big freakin' deal. Please do yourself and her a favor and treat her like the sun shines out of her ass 24/7. For the love of all things holy, she is creating another human being. So, just shut the F up and turn the dryer back on.

2.) To the random public - DO NOT, under any circumstance, TOUCH MY BELLY. ::coughgirlatworkcough:: Stay the hell away. If I'm resting my arms across the small bump I have that generally means I DO NOT want you to touch it. Take a fucking hint and back the fuck off.

3.) My fellow pregnant ladies, your emotions are running high. You cry when the pedigree commercials come on. You look at pictures of your friends newborn and dream about the day you get to bring home your bundle of joy. This is normal. At any given moment you may toss your blackberry across the room and short it's motherboard. Try to refrain if you can. If you can't, at least you have an excuse.